Strong as Steel

Finally, I too did it. I completed Great Malnad Challenge (GMC) 7-day mountain biking of 500 plus KMs in the blissful western ghats. All along in my life I have had zero inclination towards any physical activity leave alone sports, and continued life happily enjoying work and running a family. My colleague who knew how late I started my preparations for GMC quipped “It was your will power Janaki” and I knew it too – it was the only reason that kept me going.

The trigger was our treks, started off as small explorations, soon geared up as a family trekking group (with kids). The intoxicating beauty of nature, explored in the best possible mode, the breath of fresh air, eye opener to simple living paved way to explore western ghats in a bike. This comes as a package, you also become healthy😊. Our longest trek was to Chandrashila peak, a 5-day trek at Uttarkhand in 2016 as a group of 20 people from Bangalore and Chennai – some friends and their friends all manged to connect and start the family trekking group. I met Varsha there first and realized that she was also from same hometown (adjacent places), ha ha so it’s not just me who is stepping out of comfort zones. As we are from same background felt that I can relate to our habits/beliefs. As we started trekking in Uttarkhand, Varsha had difficulty in ascending even after her preparations and waited for us at the base every day. I was able to empathize her as I have been in those situations when I first started. Karthik, her 10-year-old shy son wanted to be with her and didn’t trek the first day, but later joined us and completed the trek.

So as corona was catching up and just before our first lockdown in March 2020, we woke up to the call that Varsha is no more. It was a bolt from nowhere, she passed away after her battle with blood cancer. Haven’t yet digested that she is no more, shocking news was also the blood cancer. Most of us were unaware except very few friends on her health condition. My mind was racing back tracing memories, last conversations, messages in groups..I didn’t see Varsha since the Uttarkhand trek. Yes, only Subbu (her husband) and Karthik joined us in all our subsequent treks from Chennai, but both hadn’t shared anything. I assumed Varsha didn’t pursue trekking that’s it. Friends who visited them at Chennai spoke of her delicious dinner and how she had maintained her house spic and span, adding just that she had thinned down. Last thing I could remember was her chakrasana and other yoga poses, completing some challenges posted in the whatsapp group. Seeing her yoga poses I understood that Varsha was not a beginner to physical activity like me but just her focus and level were different. I remember that was my last thought.

When I gathered myself and my thoughts asked Subbu on why he didn’t share anything anytime. He replied that it was Varsha’s choice, she wanted to be remembered not as a cancer patient but as one who had it once. He added that right from the day he disclosed it to her (apparently discovered during medical follow-up after Uttarkhand trek), till her last day she didn’t have any single conversation on “what if I am not there….do this for Karthik if anything happens to me”. Even to the very few friends who knew her condition she didn’t speak anything of her medical condition, on how it has affected them, her thoughts, her routine, her worsening condition…. none. She insisted that Subbu and Karthik join all subsequent trekking and that her situation shouldn’t stop them. That’s what we saw as well.

Varsha, now I am not able to empathise you! You are a woman of steel; my will power cannot even come close to you but I will attempt. I wish I can face situations/problems without asking the “why me”, “why now”, questions, without looking for a shoulder to burst out. I wish to pause my reactions and stand up like you did. Subbu and Karthik are leading their lives as you wished and strived for – Subbu completing more marathons and Karthik as adaptable and strong as you were. Just the way they cherished you on your first year anniversary explains it – as in Subbu’s words “an eventful day of doing everything that Varsha would like”. In my mind, you are an extremely flexible yet strong as steel women, a cancer survivor, for I surely believe that cancer has succumbed to you and not the other way around.